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Got this one time, masseuse was HOT—heart racing, yo. She’s kneading my back, I’m like, “This ain’t no ranch, but yeehaw!” Made me happy, like Bart hittin’ a skateboard trick. But once, dude, this creep tried over-the-line stuff—pissed me off! Told him, “Eat my shorts, perv!” Kicked his table over—dramatic, yeah?

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Then, I get this wild idea. I’m gonna join the old dude! I grab some leftover bread from my bag and start tossing it. The ducks are all over it, quacking like they’re in a competition. I’m laughing so hard, I almost forget about the pigeon incident. Almost.

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